“The questions you ask determine what you think.”
— Lincoln Stoller
The Video Interview
Click this link to watch the video with the audio:
The Podcast
I paid to appear on the Chris Voss podcast, and I have a general policy of not paying to appear on podcasts. I have that policy because podcasters unfamiliar with mental and social health make poor hosts for in-depth explorations of these topics. Podcasters who charge their guests are not invested in any topic.
In this case, I made an exception. Chris Voss has built a brand, a large following, and is generally interested in the topics of growth and achievement. Speaking with Chris didn’t change my reluctance about going on paid appearances, but if he delivers more ears than I could otherwise reach, then he’s worth the small commission ($200) I paid him.
It was a one hour interview, and we started with all the exploits that led me into the counseling profession. Chris offered some casual humor about mental health and addiction, and I took the opportunity to bait the hooks he offered. That dynamic of him being lighthearted and me being serious on the same topics persisted throughout our conversation.
Lincoln: Your subconscious makes the feelings and puts them in front of you. You can’t deny your feelings. I mean, you can verbally, but not emotionally.
Chris: That’s what alcohol is for.
Lincoln: No joke, man. Absolutely. A lot of people use tune-out devices like drugs and alcohol.
and
Lincoln: I feel I was abandoned as a child because I didn't have any brothers or sisters my age. My father was a workaholic, and my mother was a bit crazy. I couldn't figure it out. I'm still figuring out my childhood.
Chris: How long have you been feeling this way?
and
Lincoln: Your nature changes with your nurture. How you grow up actually becomes firmware in your brain, and firmware can change, but not easily.
I'm trying to do this with more and more of my clients. Although that's never their first problem. You know, no one comes to me complaining that the amplitude of their right prefrontal cortex is too high in the alpha range, though that might be a good description of their problem.
Chris: It should be on a coffee cup, about the original things people have. What was it again? Something about the blueprints, the original things that people have.
Lincoln: It was... your nature is nurtured. That you’ve developed firmware.
Chris: That's it. Your nurturing creates your nature.
The Book
We’re currently working to straighten out the Amazon links for the revised versions of the digital and audio versions. The print version is here:
You can find other Chris Voss interviews at:
Lincoln Stoller on the Chris Voss Show (podcast)